Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 23 May 2018


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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No more fish in the sea for this bitch

A woman in New Jersey who fell out with every boyfriend she ever had, has married herself.

Tina Snodge, 37, who lives in Trenton, never had any problems finding partners: she was pretty, brunette, shapely, athletic, and also had a few dollars in the bank! She was also a lot of fun - on dates. But, say a long line of former boyfriends, the more you got to know her, the less you wanted to.

One of her former 'suitors' who felt totally unsuited, was Greg. He said:

"Yeah, Tina, she looked great, but she and me just wouldn't have lasted. She was bossy, controlling, demanding, intimidating, sadistic, humiliating, and a whole bunch of other negative stuff I've tried unsuccessfully to blank out."

Another 'ex', Dave, rolled his eyes as he told me:

"Hmm Tina. What can I say? She was good between the sheets, but that wasn't enough to cancel out her 'other side'. She was nasty, sarcastic, rude, lewd, insulting, condescending, critical, two-faced, divisive, impatient, abrupt and lazy. Apart from that, she was 'OK', if you know what I mean. I suppose you could say she's found the right person."

One man who didn't feel quite the same was Dennis, who had this to say:

"I really liked the chick. Yeah, she was outspoken and opinionated, a real loudmouth, brazen, completely 'full-of-herself', relentlessly narcissistic, and a poor listener who never shut the fuck up, but, you know, we had something together. Something, kind of sweet. Something, I dunno, 'good'.
Ah well, plenty more fish in the sea!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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