Dennis Nilson Snuffs It

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 13 May 2018

image for Dennis Nilson Snuffs It
Here, let me take your tie

Dennis Nilson, the man who murdered and killed at least 15 men in the 1970s and 1980s, is dead after dying in prison at HMP Full Sutton.

Nilson, 72, was jailed for life in 1983, and must be one of the few people ever to complete a sentence to its full term. He was found guilty of luring gay men back to his flat in Muswell Hill, London, and then killing them, usually by strangulation.

He then cut the bodies up into manageable pieces, and flushed them down the toilet. His antics were discovered when drains became blocked, and an investigating plumber found that they were packed with human flesh.

Nilson spent 11 years in the Army catering corps where he doubtless picked up useful butchery tips. He later served as a probationary police officer, before working as a security guard at the Manpower Services Commission in 1974. Nilson could never get used to the concept of 'protect and serve', and wasn't big on other people's security either.

He will not be missed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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