Channel 5 launches "Inappropriate Films of the 70s" night

Tuesday, 28 November 2017

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Popcorn was invented in the 70s by cardboard-shredder Geoff Corn. The recipe was secret for years, but is cardboard and salt.

It's the decade that political correctness forgot - because it hadn't been born yet. Nevertheless the 70s were also a gentler time, when casual racism, sexism and homophobia were a part of every day life, and people enjoyed it. To celebrate the fortieth anniversary of the 1970s, Channel 5 is hosting an evening of "Inappropriate Films of the 70s" which could never get made today.

At 8pm it's "Ooh Ducky!", a camp comedy featuring Larry Grayson as the eponymous Ducky. He plays a camp, out-of-work actor who is under investigation by the border police for smuggling. Needless to say, he is at the receiving end of countless cavity searches, and strangely he seems to enjoy every single one.

At 9:45pm it's time for "Saucy Goings-on in a Girls School for Nymphomaniacs". Sid James and Kenneth Williams play two fifty-something teachers who must somehow get through a whole day avoiding the ravenous attentions of their hormonal and borderline-legal pupils.

Finally, at 11:15pm is the cult classic blaxploitation film "Black Hitler", starring Moses St. Black as the main character, with music by Isaac Hayes. The film tagline reads "This bad-ass brother aint gonna take no prisoners for the glorious Fatherland. His Black Panzers are loose and he's hungry to annex." In the film, Black Hitler seduces lots of German women, including Goebbel's wife, then invades Poland. A very peculiar movie.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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