Sunday, 12 November 2017

image for Reindeer castration ruins Christmas shopping display
It's reindeer-spaying time again

There was a serious kerfuffle at a shopping centre in Bangor, Wales today, when a reindeer became entangled with a wheelchair and had to be surgically removed from it.

The problem began at Santa's Grotto, a temporary shop full of cheap Christmas gifts such as nuts, socks and CDs. The actor playing Santa was wheelchair-bound, and the display included a live reindeer. Unfortunately the animal was in heat, and after being petted by Santa one time, it began to mount the seated man and attempt intercourse with his chair, which fell over.

As a result, the reindeer's member got stuck in the spokes. A vet was called and realised that the animal's genitalia could not be saved. She decided to castrate the beast using a pair of plastic Christmas scissors. No anaesthetic was available for the poor reindeer, except for vodka. During the operation, Santa was still lying prone in his seat and is also believed to have consumed a lot of vodka.

To distract passers by from the horrendous sight, the Lady Jesus figure performed an erotic dance. Nevertheless, the reindeer's mournful cries could still be heard.

Bangor council have since decided to cancel Christmas, and will be instead holding a Tom Jones singalong evening on the 24th of December.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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