Vegetarian & Muslim prisoners in UK prison released because pork is on the menu!

Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 13 November 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Vegetarian & Muslim prisoners in UK prison released because pork is on the menu!
They're the only ones who don't survive this UK luxury prison!

A luxury UK prison in Boston, UK (logical), crowned as the 'cushiest' prison in the UK, only accepts meat-eating inmates because the canteen only serves pork from local pigs, and vegetarian or Muslim inmates cannot be allowed to go hungry!

The prison is pretty free range, and that's not just the eggs. Holiday makers in an adjoining holiday camp have even offered to pay to get in there because the food is much better, fun facilities for prisoners even better, the location, and views along the cliffs, spectacular!

Inmates go for walks along the cliffs, have their own keys, work in the local farms, are tucked in bed by prison officers every night, and read bedtime stories accompanied by lullaby songs before they enter dreamland!

The only slight problem in the prison is for veggies, and Muslims! Who would starve in there because local high class pigs provide the only menu possible, and cooks refuse to serve veggies with just veggies, they must either eat pork or go on a hunger-strike.

The prison director, a religious fanatic and devout meat-eater, and Muslim & veggie hater, interrogates all prisoners attempting to enter his luxury abode, and if they admit to being vegetarian or wear strange dresses, he boots them out. Many beg for forgiveness, and promise to become Christian, pork-eating murderers, thieves, or rapists because life outside is is too damn hard compared to the luxuries on offer inside!

Many local pensioners living on the breadline not able to afford a Sunday Roast, and forced to become veggies (spuds and cabbage are cheap in Boston), have also attempted to infiltrate prison walls by robbing local post offices with ancient peashooters, but the director also booted them out telling them, "what the fuck do you think my prison is, a fucking charity!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more