Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 26 June 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Venezuelan prisoners eat pasta with shit!
No chance of looking like this in many global prisons! Haute Cuisine not fast food crap; real crap!

It seems the South American country have changed its dietary plans for inmates locked up in their revolting prisons and have introduced a surprisingly interesting menu for their guests; pasta and shit!

Venezuela are not the only country where one can enjoy haute cuisine, prison style, and here are a list of countries with their favourite dishes hoping to grab a Michelin star or two!

1) Turkish prisoners enjoy dishes of goats eye soup, cold, gazpacho style and prisoners are left to fight over the eyeballs swimming on top!

2) Saudi Arabian prisoners enjoy a dish of couscous lashed with chopped fingers and hands of thieves caught nicking apples from the market.

3) North Korean inmates love a Shepherd's Pie made of dead dogs mince!

4) Pakistan and Indian prisons favour veggie dishes for their inmates and Nr 1 on the menu is cow-dung mixed with rice because cows are holy and if one eats their dung, it's a fast-track way to heaven!

5) Chinese prisoners are treated to a potpourri delicacy of anything that moves; bugs, flies, dogs, cats, rats, birds, churned into a paste and served with lice (oops sorry, rice)!

6) Many African prisons have a protein filled menu, very healthy, of huge, puss-filled maggots, cockroaches, beetles (She loves you too), and any creepy crawlies that just happen to be in season!

7) Russian prisons tend to be quite low on the global, prison haute cuisine list because the food they serve is normally frozen and nobody really knows which ingredients are used! However, in order not to starve or freeze to death, Russian prisoners let food just melt in their mouths like a bar of Lindt chocolate, same color, but slightly different taste.

So Venezuela might lead the charts in feeding their prisoners crap, literally, but there are many global prisons who could also run away with a Michelin Star too!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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