Written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

image for Pensioner beats the crap out of jewelry thieves with an umbrella!
Modern day scooter thieves beware! Don't fuck with OAP's wielding brollies!

Mayfair, London, yesterday: A bunch of moronic thieves attempted to break into a jewelry shop wielding sledge hammers, knives and anything else they could get their hands on.

Then, after arriving on scooters, the latest trend in armed robbery in London, they were confronted by a sturdy pensioner wielding his umbrella who stood like Errol Flynn with a sword in his hand, who thwarted the idiots!

They stood amazed at the old boy who pirouetted, screamed "en garde!" Then he floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee constantly poking at the gang with amazing movement, guile and skill! Mesmerized by the fencing skills of the pensioner and the help of some building workers who joined in on the fun, armed with shovels and hammers too, the wannabe thieves did a runner!

One of them, hit by a flying shovel, fell off his scooter and the building workers jumped on him after he attempted to "leg it!"

He then screamed to the builders, "I don't care what you do with me, you can kick me, punch me, but keep me away from that mad, senile bastard with the umbrella!"

The builders laughed as the OAP approached, umbrella in hand! The thief shriveled on the pavement begging for forgiveness as the OAP poked his brolly into the face of the idiot and said;

"Dear boy, I once had fencing lessons with Errol Flynn, learnt ballet dancing with Nureyev, sparred with Cassius Clay, so don't ever fuck with me, and apart from that, this shop is mine, you dumb rat!"

The moron answered, "who the fuck is Cassius Clay?"

Say's it all about modern-day scooter thieves doesn't it?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: OAP's, thieves, umbrella

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