Survey reveals Brexiters wishes

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

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Police prepare for civil war after Brexit

It is now over a year since Britain voted to leave the EU, and as expected the government is making a complete pig's arse of the situation. Then again, one of Britain's biggest export industries (which is expected to do well after Brexit) is making enjoyable fatty snacks out of animals' nether regions.

A survey out this week reveals exactly what Brexit voters want to "take back control" of, and the results are perhaps unsurprising.

Geoffina Lardbucket, 47, of Colchester, wanted to take back control of India, saying, "They haven't done well since we let it go. They even lost East Pakistan. The fools. And they're no good at cricket because they're all bow-legged."

Reginald Dwight, 73, of Bum's Felch, wanted to regain control of the NHS. "Those namby-pamby nurses are always getting their knickers in a twist when I try to grab their arses. They've ruined the NHS. Hang 'em all I say. That'll save us £350 million a week."

Herbie Chuff, 84, of Hamchester, wished to regain control of his bowels.

Perhaps Geoff Rees-Mogg, 46, of Effing Forest, summed up the feelings of most Brexiters when he said that he wanted to take back control of the Conservative Party. "It's been taken over by lefty Marxists like Theresa May who for some inexplicable reason doesn't want to immediately deport everyone with a drop of foreign blood. Especially the Scots. I'm looking forward to getting rid of them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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