Increase in beached whales around the UK - Brexit blamed

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 20 July 2017

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Brexit: Donkeys

The number of whales, dolphins and porpoises landing on British beaches has peaked significantly in the past year. Marine biologists are baffled as to the cause, as sea conditions have not changed drastically in recent months.

One scientist had a clear answer though. Dr Emily Shoehorn of Exeter College has been studying cetaceans for three years. She explained, "Clearly it's Brexit. These animals are upset at the implications and the devastating impact it will have on us all, and are trying to make their voices heard."

Dr Shoehorn's opinions are not universally held among the marine science community, but others have made the same connection. Professor Enormous Plum of the Sea People Institute refused to be named, but said that he had once heard a dying dolphin gasp the words "Stop Brexit!" in his ear as it died in his arms.

Brexit supporters have been keen to dismiss the sea kingdom's supposed animosity towards leaving the EU, claiming studies that show badgers and foxes are unanimous in being pro-Leave.

A neutral study by a well-respected scientist Dr Piers Revue showed that donkeys are roughly split in their opinions on Brexit, with 52% wanting to leave. However the study was clear in explaining that it is very unlikely that the animals understood the question. A similar study is yet to be carried out on humans.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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