In 1940, thousands of soldiers were evacuated from war-torn France in what has now become known simply as "Dunkirk". Brits recognise the town more for its famous exodus than for anything else. With the recent release of a film on the subject, it is apt that Prime Minister Theresa "dead woman walking" May has chosen now to make a comparison with the current EU situation.
"All over Europe," said the mad leader, "Lights are going out, thanks to the EU. We need to get our brave bureaucrats out of Brussels as soon as possible, and I ask every able bodied seaman to send a boat to aid in the effort."
Navy chief Geoff Spongebob was surprised at the announcement, and said that he had not received any orders to evacuate British citizens from Belgium. "I don't know what she's talking about," explained the watery seaman, "She seems to live in her own fantasy world, we in the Navy call it Mayhem."
Nevertheless, Boris Johnson is said to be driving the Vote Leave bus (with that promise still on its side) all the way to Brussels to bring back our boys in what he hopes will be an act of selfless heroism. However, Euro-bureaucrat Humphrey Foreign was nonplussed at the idea. "They're trying to take me away from my work. The fools, what do they think Brexit is? Some kind of liberation? Pah!"