On a budget airline flight from Poland to the UK (not the one from Ireland!), a man wearing a parachute (rather unusual?) plonked himself in front of the emergency exit ready for a jump.
During the flight, luckily, a stewardess observed the strangely dressed gentleman whilst attempting to flog him a scratch card, he accepted and asked, "where should I scratch?"
He then scratched his head, put on his parachutist leather hat, and goggles, made a swift lunge towards the door lever and attempted to open the thing at 30000 feet!
Luckily an 85 year old Polish granny, hoping to visit her grandson picking cabbages in Boston, UK, saw the idiot attempting to open the door and thrust her walking stick between him and a catastrophe!
Then 3 huge Polish cabbage pickers bundled him to the floor and he was given a bottle of vodka to calm him down until they landed in the UK where he was arrested, with his parachute!
When asked why he attempted to open the door the parachutist answered; "I booked a parachute jump with a cheap airline in Poland and obviously boarded the wrong plane!"
The chief stewardess was then questioned as to how this complete nutter could board their plane; here her answer:
"What do you expect on such a cheap flight? Do you really think we have time to control boarding cards? Our job is to flog cheap vodka and scratch cards!"
The parachutist was put on a flight back to Poland (without his parachute) and UKIP maestro, Nigel Farage, reading about the event told the tabloids; "See I told you so, you can never trust these damn Eastern European immigrants!"