Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 5 June 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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More than likely the Tories will win the election but that's OK as long as they fulfil their promises. We want to see the work houses brought back, the vote taken away from anyone earning less the £80K and the entire Empire absorbed into our Union Jack yoke.

One thing we will be getting will be massive waiting times to see your GP. This is mainly to kill off large swathes of the population before they are able to get treated. Anyway we at Back and to the Left news have been given the "injury checklist" to see how long it will take you to get seen.

The Shits: As this is an illness brought only to poor people because of a shoddy diet or endlessly drinking contaminated cholera water there will be a long wait. Six to eight months.

Skin Conditions: Let's be honest this is probably just scurvy. So man up and do what our brave sailors used to do. Or is that too good for the likes of you? Are you saying you're better than our armed forces? Three-Four years.

Diabetes: You fat fuck. Stop eating cake and come back to us when you've lost a foot. Ten years.

DIY Damage: You don't pay a boy to do that? You put your own light bulbs in? How quaint. Sixteen months for anything electrical related and eighteen months if you put a nail through your hand.

Actually Dying: What are you poor? If you weren't you would have paid the queue jump fee and probably not lying on the cold kitchen floor clutching at your chest. Forty years.

So there you have it. Or don't. Either way you're not getting to see a Dr this week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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