Innovating Germans reduce crime

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Thursday, 1 June 2017


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Vagrants and immigrants say they are desperate for the dolls.

In the first known brothel of its kind, the German government is offering free erotic sessions with sex dolls only to homeless vagrants and immigrants to reduce the number of interactions with women.

Why sex dolls?

During the 2015/2016 New Year's Eve celebrations, there were mass numbers of vagrants and desperate immigrants trying to serenade blonde German women, mainly in Cologne city center.

"We are positive the brothels of silicone sex dolls will stop vagrants and immigrants from deviant behavior with women on the streets," says Police chief Wolfgang Albers.

The police chief believes that vagrants and immigrants build up sexual tensions that they can't control. The sex dolls will relieve their stress turning them into well mannered gentlemen.

They are totally realistic dolls both in their movements and in their 'feel,' and they will allow vagrants and immigrants to fulfill all their fantasies without limits.

Dolls will be disinfected after each use, the police chief promises and clients are asked to use condoms.

At a later period, the police plan to purchase special realistic dolls with artificial intelligence connected via wireless to an IBM Watson computer that will interact personally with each client. For example, "I like your beard, it makes me wet, please touch me."

The "Harmony Artificial Intelligence" model will allow the Watson computer to program the dolls personality based on 12 traits, from shyness and wit to female sexual aggression, as well as to customize realism, down to freckles and fishy smelling private parts.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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