Amidst a raging debate on the benefits of not having child benefits when you are too rich to give a toss either way, leaves a devastating effect on many families on high and low income.
In the wake of austere cuts to reduce the National deficit caused by squandering ministerial financiers in charge of our public money, the Government is angling to take back family child allowance, in a bid to appear even-handed, with low to wealthy wage earners.
All families were entitled to the funds available since the 1970's and were provided for married and unmarried Mothers. Rich, or poor. Fragmented families, in or out, of work.
It was just a matter of time, before the Government wanted to sanction child benefit, to 'allow' citizens to have a simple 'allowance', for the parents, to pay for such sundries as washable nappies, paraffin, school uniforms and daily school dinner money.
Since 1974 families, for rich or poorer the handout has helped all parents. As opposed to the minted already, depressed neighbourhoods with larger families, found breeding with transient partners not short of financial advantages, cashing in on around £15 per child each week. So to have eight children meant a staggering £6240 a year paid by taxpayers, or comparative income to the wage of a 'live in' nanny.
Whereas, under sneaky new measures, if you earn over £40k a year you can probably already afford a live in nanny to look after your kids, but would rather spend your own kids allowance on an afternoon, in Harvey Nicholls to do 'brunch', as opposed, to buying scratch cards, 20 Superkings and a 3 litre bottle of White Lightning cider.
The question is: Who REALLY is eligible for child allowance?
Is it just Mothers? Is it for children? Or, for dads, as single carers, who are on jobseekers allowance, after futile attempts to attain gainful employment for jobs nobody wants?
Would celebrities be entitled, if they got a baby, online? Is it for Mothers that have their babies, in prison?
Is it for 1 in 9 Mothers who are already too young to claim child benefit allowance? Is it for fathers and Mothers in rehab, who take turns to look after their child, when they are sober, or clean enough?
Is it for Mothers who don't know, or don't care, who the father is, or worse, have four different fathers of their individual offspring?
Is it for Mothers who have a child by their father who, is cheating on your sister at the same time, while your brother dates your niece, the probation officer?
These and many other questions raised.
How raising another child raising question?
Why not just give the money to our kids?
Adults stop squabbling over child allowance! It's supposed to be for your children anyway!
The lobby group W.O.N.G.A. 'Woman Otherwise Not Getting Allowance' believe kids should get tokens for being a child.
WONGA have devised a piece of software that pays virtual tokens to children and will receive their benefit on an investment related, performance criteria voucher, savings scheme.
For example: Each child under 18 gets 1000 tokens a month worth £60 in child allowance (or money).
The interactive software asks the child how they want to use their tokens when paid?
A drop down menu offers a variety of options:
Invest in a Government pension Scheme
Learn a trade
Raise HIV&AIDS awareness
Save for Pony lessons
Conserve Wildlife
Pay into an ISA
Save for a steam iron
Adopt a starving Sudanese child
Pay for membership in Freemasonry at the nearest Lodge.
TKMAX vouchers
Save for new IPhone
Warner Bros cinema tickets once a week until your 18th birthday
All unused vouchers will be paid into a Post office account, that acts like a Trust fund. The GPO gets a share of the interest in each pound saved. Giving a lump sum of cash when the participants do reach 18. If not redeemed after 6 months the unclaimed voucher value is given to local charities, or out of work scoutmasters.
The giant plus to this scheme is, that no money changes hands and mothers in the top earning bracket won't miss the money, for a new brand of Earl Grey. Low income parents won't try to score drugs with it. Even Post Offices will stay open, as every child will use it to save or spend.
A local group of youths smoking skateboards, were asked outside a derelict airfield, what they thought about the scheme. Winston 'The Jackal' Richards, said,
"At the end of the day, me Muvver and Fodder, only waste dare dole on food and 'lectric, so, it's probably better, if I have a say, on 'ow it is spent…innit? The fact is, geezer, I will use the voucher scheme, as long as me mates, don't take the piss….Like, y'know…like… " 'Ohhh 'ere, goes the Jackal, he is well gay, spending 'is tokens on this shit, when it ain't proper good shit, keep it real, talk to the 'and, nah wot I mean, bruv?'"
