After Brexit disappoints, Britain plans to relocate to the Moon

Written by StubbornGorilla

Friday, 24 June 2016

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Leave us alone!

Realizing that exiting the European Union was just a band aid measure in terms of removing itself from the global community at large, Brexit enthusiast and potential British Prime Minister candidate, Boris Johnson announced, "It isn't enough!"

With a direct link to the outside world in the Chunnel, airplanes and anyone who can reasonably navigate a boat British loyalists are concerned that leaving the Europen Union won't be quite enough to discourage "yankee tourists" and "dirty refugees" from entering the country.

Johnson announced his first move as Prime Minister will be to figure out how to relocate the British Isles up onto the moon. "It will be a bloody awful task, but once it is accomplished it will be bloody worth it in the end."

Johnson stated that it is the only way to ensure British citizens "peace and quiet" and a break from "U.S. TV networks ripping off our telly ideas, and making them into watered down ex-colonist friendly pish-posh."

Asked if he thought that the move was at all realistic Johnson defended, "I saws it on the internet, so i suppose it could be done."

Asked why he assumes the British public will be more comfortable in the airless, asteroid prone vacuum of space rather than deal directly with other people he explained, "I'm not sure if foreigners are aware, but we don't need oxygen, and we don't get cold. We only eat fish and chips and drink tea to be polite when outsiders are watching." He also mentioned something about the British public's affinity for cheese, but he did not elaborate.

Boris Johnson summed up his reasoning for separating from the rest of the world population, "Ultimately, it is in the best interests of Great Britain to remove itself from the other, less proper elements of society. When we tried to share our culture with the rest of the world we were branded imperialists, so we would much rather pack up ourselves and go somewhere that we don't have to feel bad about looking down on the rest of you."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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