Friday, 13 May 2016

image for Leave UK claim "summers will be warmer" if UK leaves EU
So thirsty: Farage opens up nipples to thirsty homeless

Brexit campaigners Leave UK have controversially claimed that the UK would be 4 degrees warmer if it leaves the EU. However, the claim is disputed by both the UK's own Met Office, and the International Bureau Meteorologique (IBM) which is based in Antwerp.

The UK Met Office, who have recently been taken over by Nigel Farage's parent company, Richos, have forecast a brighter future for the UK if it leaves the EU. Bribed ex-weatherman Michael Fish exclaimed, "I thoroughly believe that if Britain leaves the Euro then our temperatures will be up to 2 degrees warmer, and we will have whiter Christmases." This is a disputable claim, and potentially worrying for UKIP as a 2 degree temperature increase would make the climate more attractive to people from hot countries.

IBM are slightly more pessimistic in their forecast for the UK's future if it leaves the EU, stating that "a decrease of at least 2 degrees is inevitable."

When asked to explain the science behind such a controversial statement, the spokesman said, "It's simple. If Britain abandons all of its EU environmental laws then it will begin polluting so much that it will bring on a mini ice age for north western Europe."

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has denied that there will be any negative effects of the expected temperature increase should Britain leave the EU.

"It'll be great," he enthused. "Those filthy Greenlanders will leave our cold nation and their polar bears will no longer soil our doorsteps with their icy faeces. Finally we will be able to enjoy the possibility of receiving immigrants from warmer climes."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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