Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

image for Something 'mega' to happen on Thursday as UK TV pundit Jeremy Paxman begins retirement
Cheers, Ma'am, a glass of hemlock at bedtime tonight sure would mess up the start of the guy's retirement!

London - Colleagues at the BBC's flagship Newsfright program were bidding Paxo farewell tonight as the veteran TV anchor signed off on his final broadcast following 25 years as top cock on the national broadcaster's dugheap.

Known for his 'Spanish Inquisition' interrogation techniques the irascible curmudgeon had anchored every world-shattering event including Princess Diana's death, Monica Lewinsky's 'cigar' testimony and George Dubya Bush's pretzel moment.

During the 9/11 atrocity Paxo's adrenaline appeared to seethe at boiling point as he juggled transatlantic interviews with NeoCon politicians ranting about the coming of Armageddon.

Then the Old Queen Mum's death in 2002 followed by Ronnie Raygun's in 2004 saw the presenter confidently predict he'd be fronting all the major cold war luminaries' deaths - including that of Queen Elizardbirth.

"Jeremy's retiring to spend more time with his forthcoming memoirs," a BBC insider said today.

"We all wish him well and remain confident nothing earth-shattering will continue to happen during his retirement, much as during most of his professional life."

An earth-bound incoming asteroid is expected to hit something - maybe someone - in the Northern Hemisphere on Thursday just as soon as Paxo has been safely put out to grass.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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