In order to look as if he is in touch with reality and improve his chances of election, Ed Milliband is coming out publicly against the morbid obesity crisis plaguing the country. He intends to bar the morbidly obese and overweight from our television screens when he comes to power. It sends out the wrong signals, allowing those fat ugly slobs into our living rooms, he was overheard to say last night down at the local pub. All current MP's and future labour candidates would need to take a fitness test and those deemed to be overweight would be ordered to diet and the unfit to be offered half priced daily gym sessions.
Old Red Bollocky Ed is certainly not very happy because the edict puts him directly in the firing line. The poor fellow is terrified by the mere thought of exercising anything other than his mouth. Yes! That does include his brain.
The new policy has been endorsed by that giant of statesmanship, Neil Kinnock. He's that geriatric wanker who can't walk along the beach without falling into the sea. Maybe he should take Ed along on his next walk.
Milli has also decide not to enter the annual Westminster Gurning contest on the grounds he has an unfair advantage. What a generous chap.
When asked to bare his manly chest to prove that he was not overweight, Milli declined. One wonders why, maybe it matches his pidgeon toes.
