The news that Kate Middleton is up the duff again has come as a major surprise to the Royal household, especially Liz and Phil, the latter swearing fucking blind that he was nowhere near Kate's bedroom when she was on heat!
Liz is particularly pissed off as she has only just had the accountants in to verify just how much ill gotten loot she actually has in the coffers, splashing out on yet more baby clothes was not on her agenda according to a close aide.
Meanwhile, Kate's hapless other half, William, is still bouncing off the walls trying to come to terms with her first pregnancy in light of his time scale 'absence' around original conception date, during which he was off somewhere playing with his chopper.
Apparently, father-in-law Chas is also a bit pissed orf as the news has made his other half, Camilla broody again, which means she'll want another stiff seeing to before the week is over.
However, Prince Haribo is utterly delighted with the news as this now puts him at least 5 deaths away from a full-time job and allows him more time to pursue his hobbies of night clubbing, pissing it up the wall, endless holidays and of course, banging Kate whenever the idiot sibling is not around.
But of course, the sham delight on both his and Kate's faces is all part of a craftily concocted plan for the future, one that was devised after the devilish sex mad duo spent yet another night in the Royal bed screwing each other to oblivion shortly after Kate's wedding in 2011 while Will's was engaged elsewhere.
Having confided to Haribo that she was bored shitless with her endless Royal duties and engagements after the first few months Kate confessed to her well hung stud that she longed for a life of endless carefree holidays and sunshine like Coleen Rooney.
Meanwhile, being no slouch himself Haribo also confessed to Kate that he was like minded and aware that he could possibly get caught out himself, being third in the Throne pecking order which one day might actually see him having to do some real work!
Thus, a swift plan was hatched; Haribo and Kate would continue to pleasure each other at every opportunity while knocking out a sprog each year in order to distance him from the throne. Meanwhile, the endless pregnant barfing would get Kate off the Royal engagements hook nine months of every year.
With Wills having long since proven himself utterly useless in the bedroom due to not yet realising that his penis is not just for pissing with and being more interested in playing with his chopper, Kate would eventually have grounds for a Royal divorce. This would leave her and Haribo free to elope to some sun drenched utopia and spend the rest of their life doing what comes naturally to the Royals, fornication!
GOD HELP THE QUEEN!!