Written by D Agnew

Thursday, 14 August 2014

image for France takes tough stance towards Syria, Eiffel Tower renamed
Rebels use "the Dagger of mohamed" an advanced rocket capable of scarying crows of fields on syrian farmland

France today sent a stern warning to Syria over its alleged chemical weapons attacks on civilians. The French Prime minister in a news conference today warned the troubled Country to give up its Chemical weapon stockpiles or face further repercussions.

The French PM has already Renamed the Eiffel tower to Bashar al-Assad tower of Allah and warns the country that it will not carry out his promise to have all road signs repainted in Arabic if the weapons are not brought forward.

France is the first country in the EU to demand such action from Bashar al-Assad. While the UK and USA both are still in discussions about whether to launch a pointless ten year ground war and Airstrikes. France it seems is taking a harder view, no doubt trying to bolster its reputation on the world stage from garlic smelling surrender frogs to semi serious passive aggressive weaklings.

If the rest of the Eu follows Frances tough posturing then it looks like Bashar al-Assad will be hit with embargoes from many countries including Belgium who export thousands of Kinder eggs to Syria as they are seen as a status symbol. Other countries expecting to with-hold exports are.

  1. UK- battered mars bars are used in religious ceremony's
  2. Luxembourg - imports over 5000 beer mats
  3. Spain - Oilve oil and road rage are some of its main exports
  4. Italy - Small intricate wooden leafed boxes used in Syria instead of filing cabinets
  5. Portugal - Over 2 million Knitted doll toilet roll holders will be stopped

It seems the west is taking the problems in Syria seriously with even Australia refusing to license any series of Prisoner cell block H or the Smurfs, a program at the heart of Syrian life.

Meanwhile Syria responded by unleashing hundreds of vertical videos on Youtube with garish music, shaky camera work,lots of shouting, ridiculous high volume and poor graphical overlays made by a re purposed commodore Amiga all filmed in 75p quality from a cell phone.

No one knows how long this stalemate will go on for, but all it will take to blow this middle eastern tinder pot sky high is if Finland stop exporting the Ukulele, a musical instrument so prized in Syria that they are over a hundred Ukulele museums and theme parks with several more being built including factory tours and a cafe where the plates are in the shape of baby guitars and the humus is arranged into musical scores.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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