London Mayor Boris Johnson today released plans to completely close the tube network. It will be replaced by an exclusive underground cycle path.
"Look I hate the Tube it's no secret." Johnson told the press "I really want to have it so that there are no staff at all and it costs more than most people can afford. This is the best plan we close it down rip up all the track and pave it. We're going to charge people £1000 a day to use it as a cycle way and that will keep the poor people out. A private company run by an old Eton chum of mine will be able to make a huge profit in a very short amount of time which is the whole point of me being Mayor."
The RMT leader Bob Crow is said to have reacted by going into total shock while many Londoners have taken the news with a sense of inevitability.
Shannon Grant of the London Passengers group said "It's typically badly thought through. Boris isn't happy with having the over priced vanity project of Crossrail left to him by Ken he wants to waste more public money on this. It just shows the contempt that he feels for the working people of London."
Prime Minister David Cameron was in a state of confusion. He has spent years grooming the cycling lobby and does not want to put that in danger by opposing this move however he can't be seen to support it as many in the party would prefer Boris to be leader rather him.
A public consultation will be held between 01:00 and 01:01 hrs on a Monday somewhere near City Hall.
