So the big news flying around (or more accurately walking around in circles waiting for its cage door to be opened so it can slowly walk out and then be immediately shot) is the news that Vice President, Richard “Dick” Cheney viciously shot a 78 year old hunting partner in the face. Mr. Cheney “intended” to shoot a Quail, but instead shot his fellow Quail killer in the face. If only the Quail would have stayed perfectly still as opposed to moving and challenging the Vice President, then perhaps poor Harry Whittington would still have a face. The blame obviously falls in the feathered lap of the quail. Ironically this isn’t the first time a Quail has brought shame and misery to the Vice Presidency.
One word: Potato! Oh I’m sorry, I forgot the e. Potatoe! There we go.
Back in the 1900’s there was a 12 year old boy named William Figueroa, and much like the Quail of today, he too ruined the good name of an otherwise beloved Vice-President. Dan Quayle (no relation to the current Quail in question) was hosting a spelling bee when something went terribly wrong. Figueroa was asked to spell the word potato, and he did. It was at that moment that history was made. Vice President Dan Quayle pulled the child aside and quietly whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear, “You’re close, but you left a little something off. The e on the end.” Well at that moment someone might as well have kicked the Vice President’s entire career and legacy square in the ol’ kernels. From that moment on he was forever labeled as the guy who can’t spell. Just like how our current Vice President has suddenly out of nowhere been labeled a soulless cold-blooded black-hearted spawn of Satan who enjoys driving his friends to remote locations and shooting them in the face.
So in closing I would like to leave you with this imponderable. If a man can’t tell the difference between a small chicken-like creature and a 78 year old man of whom he is a friend, how can we as a people expect him to be able to tell the difference between a necessary war, and a war just because it makes his president giggle?