Another dodgy Opus Dei banker found suicided under bridge

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 21 July 2006

image for Another dodgy Opus Dei banker found suicided under bridge
In crucifixation mode: Opus Dei's Roveraro

London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Tessa Jowl's beleagured dodgy husband David 'Dark Satanic' Mills was sweating plutonium today following the news that Italian police have discovered the body of Opus Dei banker Gianmario Roveraro who disappeared over two weeks ago amid reports from his creditors and from members of the secretive Pope JP2 Lodge that he had clearly displayed signs of extreme depression and suicidal tendencies.

Like 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi in 1982, Roveraro was found dead near a bridge following intense police activity concerning the collapse of Italian food giant Parmalat, which he advised in the 1990s.

Parmalat, known for milking EU farming subsidies and other dairy products, collapsed under 14 billion euros (9.5 billion pounds) of debt in 2003 in Europe's largest corporate failure

A life-long member of the satanic cult Opus Dei, Roveraro was also on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list of fugitive EU assholes suspected of financing nuclear arms sales to North Korea's Kim Jong ill.

The banker's body had severe contusions to the face, chest and wallet prompting the Italian police to suspect yet another vicious suicide, clearly linked to the UK criminal investigations into David Mills' alleged fraud, racketeering, embezzlement, conspiracy, arms-running and perversion activities.

A statement issued by Gorgonzola police chief stated that Roveraro had been in contact with his family immediately following a special Opus Dei black mass in Palermo on the evening of July 4th when North Korea fired its first Tiepoodog inter-continental ballistic missile 300 feet into the air and plop into the western Japanese Ocean.

Police say that Roveraro then told his wife that he needed to visit to Austria in a hurry to resolve an unspecified problem.

A CIA Sat-Nav trail shows he visited jailed Holocaust denier David Irving in the Viennese slammer where he is serving a minimum of three years under the EU's Freedom of Disinformation Act of 9/11.

In his second call home Mr Roveraro said he needed one million euros in cash wired to him immediately.

Police say that his demise followed some 24 hours later.

Roveraro was the founder of Akros Finanziaria, a financial services blackmail and racketeering group.

Police have said they suspect the suicide is linked to a business scam involving former Italian PM Slither Berlusconi, Tessa Jowl's dodgy husband David Mills and the UK's Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor, whose personal PR chief resigned in great haste this week following a raid by the Metropolitan Police's Vice Squad, Serious and Organised Crime Directorate and the MoD's Criminal Arms Running Investigative Division.

Interpol has taken the unusual step of issuing a Dodgy Banker Suicide Alert across Europe and the Far East this weekend as the heat is turned up of the P2 Lodge's public relations cartel which gained wholesale control of sanitising the CIA's and FBI's official criminal records of Pope JP2 in November 1980 when Ronnie Raygun slimed his way into the White House along with George Bush Senior and their coterie of Osteoporosis Division Skull 'N' Bonesmen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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