Cops squeeze Dark Satanic Mills in Calvi probe

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 8 July 2006

image for Cops squeeze Dark Satanic Mills in Calvi probe
God's Banker....with a 'B' or a 'W'?:

London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Pressure was mounting last night on Tessa Jowl's shyster lawyer husband David 'Dark Satanic' Mills in the God's Banker murder probe as he and fourteen accomplices were indicted on fraud, embezzlement and corruption charges relating to the mafia's robbery of its own bank in 1982 and the related suiciding of Vatican bag-man Roberto Calvi on the orders of the Pontiff.

Mills has vehemently denied the allegations that he has hidden behind his wife's PR firewall and maintains that their lavish lifestyle owes much to the immense generosity of doting foreign clients such as Kim Jong ill and George W Bush, who regularly send him six-figure sterling bankers draughts simply to alleviate the burden of wealth on their own bank accounts.

Looking utterly feeble in a hideous gnats-piss green cable-knit sweater, Mills told reporters yesterday: " I feel that I'm innocent, I know I'm innocent", as City of London cops laughed themselves silly in the evidence storage vaults beneath the Tower of London where a dozen pantechnicon loads of criminal proof against Mills have been maturing nicely for the last twenty-five years.

Recent press reports have suggested that Mills's criminal career may stretch well beyond the fledgeling machiavellian machinations of his P2 Lodge masters in the 1980s when Margaret Thatcher ruled the mafia roost in the UK along with her accomplice Robert Maxwell RIP.

Some reliable sources have claimed that this was merely the springboard for his quantum leap into global corruption when the Euro-Septic Tories' most cunning invention - the New Labour Party - surged into office in 1997 and Mills was promoted to Chief Honch for the global operations of the newly-amalgamated Hellfire Club and the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones.

Mills remained defiant and confident when speaking to reporters last night: "For strange reasons of Italian procedure there's no need for me to turn up to the trial at all!" he said, beaming broadly as he demonstrated is legal expertise to the cameras.

"I might give evidence at some point if it becomes necessary, but quite honestly the trial is likely to come to an end, because of the limitation act in Italy, before we ever reach that stage."

More news is ecpected at the weekend.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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