Spooks think Blunkett may be 7/7 mastermind

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 14 June 2006

image for Spooks think Blunkett may be 7/7 mastermind
Home-grown beardie Blunkett

London - (Associated Mess): The finger of suspicion in the criminal investigation of the 7 July London bombings has been pointing long and hard in the direction of disgraced ex-Home Secretary David Blunkett, according to documents released by MI5 under the 9/11 Freedom of Disinformation Act.

As the new Home Secretary John Reid grapples with the gargantuan mess in his portfolio popularly attributed to his predecessor Charles 'Eeyore' Clarke, spook chiefs are becoming increasingly convinced that they may now have sufficient proof to nail down Blunkett as the UK's very own Osama Bin Ladin.

Using the latest forensic profiling techniques imported from their FBI counterparts, British Security Service specialists have commented that their suspicions of Blunkett are backed up sold facts which incriminate him in masterminding last year's bombing atrocities: "He has the beard", said a spokseman, "and the dodgy-looking sniffer bitch that ostensibly follows him around everywhere he goes and which is tracked by implants linked to our Sat-Nav division's criminal intelligence computer.

"We've tagged his every move, from the day he graduated from Cambridge University with a Master's Degree in Classified Document Shredding and Disinformating Planting Techniques.

"Our first break came in busting him and his KGB handlers at a Grunwicks demo back in 1977, after which we made sure that Margaret Thatcher's government gave him a triple-A rating to progress his political career.

"When the Bush Administration in Downing Street elevated him to the post of Home Secretary, Special Branch planted the latest technology in remote-controlled video cameras and surveillance microphones on his guide-dog's collar, so we soon got a pretty clear picture of what was going on.

"And then when Mossad UK desk-chief Kimberley Fortier came along, we couldn't believe our luck!" continued the spokesman."Soon he was eating out of her hand as she promised him the top Diplomatic post of running the British Embassy in Washington DC, just as long as she could have access to some of his semen.

"That some of that sample ended up in her womb and not in NATO's DNA-ID classifications computer is one of the more puzzling aspects of the matter."

Meanwhile, Special Branch are refusing to comment on press reports earlier this week that the recent abortive police raid on innocent Muslim residents in South London's Forest Hill area may be connected to a smear campaign in which Blunkett supporters vowed to implicate detractors of his spooky sniffer bitch after she was put out top grass late last year.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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