The US Condemns Atrocities in Syria

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Thursday, 2 August 2012

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Hillary Clinton has condemned the atrocities in Syria. David Cameron, Prime Minister of the UK, has released a statement condemning the atrocities in Syria. Rupert Murdoch says he must network with his associates and Masonic brothers before printing David Cameron's statement. The Pope has condemned the atrocities in Syria in a special bulletin broadcast by Vatican Radio.

A lunatic in an asylum in Oslo said: "Life is a house on fire as my dad Gautama Buddha reminded me just the other night. But even so, I condemn the atrocities in Iran."

Omar Minaj, a ticket inspector at London's Waterloo train Station, said; "I condemn the atrocities in Syria."

Paddy Flanaghan, ex-IRA member of Ballymacross in Ireland stated: "I condemn outright the fuckwits who imagine that because they believe that they are important or the office they are dressed up in is seen as important that they can therefore stop fuckin' atrocities anywhere by telling the fuckin' world how it pisses them off, as if that reaction was peculiar only to themselves. My mother condemns the atrocities in Syria, my wife and children condemns them, my pet dog Growling condemns them, as do I. Everybody condemns them except the rodents who commit them. We, the IRA, condemn the nuclear bombing of Japan during the last world war and we also condemn the inexplicable rise in the cost of beer by tuppence a fuckin' litre. And we condemn the hoorin Pope because he doesn't have to work his drawers off to make a livin' like the rest of us."

Kahil Do-No-Wrong, commander of the Syrian government forces, said; "We are glad to hear so many people condemn our actions because that reassures us that our actions have nothing to do with us personally. We are just doing our job. Moreover, because we hate ourselves and our parents, and are scared shitless of having to live our own lives without the comfort and security of a uniform and a government wage, it inspires us to renew our efforts to kill every fucker who is not us, as we have been told, because although we hate our parents we still know how to obey. God loves obedience... especially among altar boys."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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