Rogue bank loan starts panic in City

Funny story written by dulcie gabbani

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

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After only just recovering from the Barclays interest rigging affair and the RBS/ Nat West computer failure, the banking system was thrown into confusion again today, by what experts were calling a "One in a million" occurrence. A near meltdown of the countries banking infrastructure occurred briefly, after one of the big four banks accidentally granted a business loan to a small company in Oldham.

This action, unprecedented in banking for a number of years, caused computer systems to crash, as the software isn't geared to processing actions like this.

The rogue loan was traced to a local branch of Spanish banking giant Sentunder in Oldham. Initial investigations showed that the branch had loaned as much as £12,000 to brothers Raj and Barry Choudary from Oldham, who wanted to expand their cash and carry business, by opening a new site in Greenfield.

A Stock Exchange spokesman said "When word got out that banks were lending again, the market started going mad". "Share prices in banks started to fall, as investors were panicking that their investments were going to be lent to dubious creditors" It took a couple of hours to find out that this was a one off case, and we quickly got the story out, so the markets would calm down". Anyway, its all sorted now and things will hopefully get back to normal".

A member of staff at the branch from where the rogue loan emanated has been suspended, pending an internal enquiry. It is believed to be a female employee, Nigerian born Kwanta Tiffeezin, a 23 year old university graduate, who has worked for Sentunder since 2011.

She commented to us as she left the branch this afternoon, "I was always led to believe that banks lent money, but older members of staff tell me all that was in the past, and the younger ones haven't got a clue what you're talking about when you mention the word loan"

It's believed that Wall St wasn't affected, as they were still in bed when the story broke in this country.

The panic caused the pound to lose a cent against the Euro, but it managed to gain 5 cents against the Zimbabwean Dollar.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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