LulzSec claim responsibility for Banking systems crash

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 22 June 2012

image for LulzSec claim responsibility for Banking systems crash
William Vague looking at the money resting in his account

Thousands of customers were left locked out of their bank accounts across the UK this week as a popular high street bank, that cannot be named for technical reasons, lost complete control of it's computing systems. ATMs, on-line banking and chip and pin cards were left useless forcing millions to fall back on cash found down the back of the sofa.

LulzSec, the hacking group that insists that its aims are in the interests of public safety, have claimed responsibility, and that they were exposing the flaws of the security at the bank.

"Our bank was absolutely not hacked," said Nathan West, CEO of the bank. "The systems went down because the cleaner used the computer's plug socket to vacuum the server room. Nothing more sinister than that. We've installed a double socket to make sure it doesn't happen again."

LulzSec's unofficial spokesperson, who uses the alias William Vague, has approached news agencies across the country to counter-claim that the claim from West is bogus.

"We so totally totalled their systems," he said. "We went through the security like a board through a wave, man. Obviously we only did it to show how easy it was. The seventeen million pounds that is now in bank account is only resting there."

According to Vague, breaking into the bank only took the combined power of fifteen hundred computers that had been co-opted into a bot-net.

"They simultaneously tried every known combinations of user names and passwords," he said. "Turns out that the main data administrator's account was 'admin' and 'password'. I could have guessed that and saved fifteen hundred people from having LulzSec infect their computers."

Furthermore, LulzSec now claim that the bank is more secure thanks to their intervention.

"They've changed the passwords now," Vague said. "We had to break in twice more to prove that 'admin' and 'passw0rd' was hardly more secure, and 'me' and '123456' was only the fifth guess I tried. What's more, if they keep insisting we didn't break in, we'll do it again and put the bankers' bonuses into everybody's accounts. We'd be like Robin Hood if we did that."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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