New York, NY - The U.N. Special Group on Global Warming has discovered, after an intense five year study, that the statistical cause of global warming consists of the hot flashes experienced by human females past a certain age.
Researcher Ms. Knotshohot presented her paper, "Impact of Menopausal Human Females on Global Weather Patterns" to a packed audience, many of whom were from the international press corps, at 2 p.m.
The impact was larger than originally calculated in prior studies which had neglected the impact of the measures taken by those experiencing hot flashes to find relief, such as
- turning on fans
- taking cold showers
- violently kicking off blankets
- making loud complaining noises
- freezing water and using it to cool aspartame-containing liquids that are subsequently consumed
- the extra motions involved in removing and adding back on layers of clothing
When added up, according to Knotshohot, they perfectly account for all the global warming to date, which actually, is global cooling. This indicates that an even more important, perhaps related cause, yet to be statistically isolated, such as "the cold shoulder" has yet to be proven.
