Phoenix, AZ - After a skirmish outside U.N. headquarters, Aspartame Boy, our reporter on the science beat, was grossly injured after being brushed off by a Ms. Knotshohot, who claims she was being followed and bothered by Aspartame Boy.
Police were called to quell the disturbance. "He kept looking at me like some kind of pervert," she told officer Brunshcirt. Aspartame Boy claimed he was only doing his job in checking the temperature of Ms. Knotshohot's shoulders; it was related to the paper she presented about global warming. In fact, global cooling is defeating global warming, due in large measure to women giving men the cold shoulder more than ever lately.
Aspartame Boy reports that her shoulders were in fact quite cold, like ice. But the main concern of Aspartame Boy now is recovering from his severe kick injuries.
Aspartame is being administered to Aspartame Boy to stop the pain, and his excessive thinking.
