London - She's been banished from Tuesday's glittering reception for Turkey President Abdullah Gul due to new bulimia attack fears that Kate Middleton will end up chucking up all over extinguished - er...distinguished! - guests.
"The Queen just can't risk it," a royal source commented amid tales of ornate Palace ceilings having to be decontaminated following spontaneous projectile vomiting during the royal wedding breakfast last April.
Newlywed Kate's suspected of being an anorexic/bulimic whose micro-diet of leaves, seeds and macrobiotic nibbles' combined gastro-combustible properties have earned her the nickname of 'Royal Wind Farm'.
This weekend the Duke of Edinburgh slammed 'daft' wind turbine Kate as 'absolutely useless, completely reliant on subsidies and an absolute disgrace' branding her 'fairy tale' marriage as total bollox.
The comments come as media sources estimate taxpayers are dishing out an average of £90 a year to subsidise useless young royal thugs.
"That money would be far better put to having all those faux royals quietly euthanised," a Sunday Smearer editorial advised.
Camilla Fucker-Proles is 104.
