SFA To Vet All Club Mascots

Funny story written by grimbo

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

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The Scottish Football Association are to issue urgent guidelines on the recruitment of club mascots in the wake of 2 unfortunate recent incidents.

Dunfermline FC were reported to Fife Constabulary last month after their mascot Sammy The Tammy dressed as a tank and simulated machine gun fire at fans of their close neighbours and rivals Raith Rovers.

And just last week, Dundee FC mascot Deewok was charged with assault after being involved in a scuffle with a Partick Thistle fan.

SFA chief Stewart Regan announced a raft of new measures aimed at cleansing the game of disreputable mascots :

"These incidents have just confirmed to the SFA executive board members what we already had reason to believe.

It is our opinion that criminal and potential troublemakers are using the club mascot system to pursue their own illegal agendas.

From now on all club mascots will have to pass an enhanced police disclosure check to make sure that none of our club mascots are current or former criminals".

A source close to the SFA also suggested that the executive board members are also concerned about the potential for suicide bombers to be lurking amongst the ranks of club mascots.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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