Written by pbamark

Tuesday, 6 September 2005

image for Manny Ramirez Plays For White Sox
Manny a White Sox?

Boston, Massachussetts -- In a not so surprising development to baseball insiders, and those who follow the game, Manny Ramirez played against his teammates today.

Manny inexplicably showed up in the White Sox dugout in a White Sox Uniform and was quickly pencilled into the lineup. Before Terry Francona could protest the home plate umpire Larry Young had shouted "Play Ball!"

It was not apparent whether or not he had lost track of the location of the Boston dugout or whether or not the fact that both teams had the name "Sox" in their names led to the confusion but as one Major League Baseball insider divulged to us "Manny oftentimes does the unusual."

Bud Selig could not be reached for comment.

Terry Francona tried to no avail to explain that Manny is under contract with Boston and therefore should be playing for Boston. "I told that (expletive) umpire that Manny is on OUR team and not theirs! This is a national disgrace. That (expletive) umpire is obviously a White Sox fan.

Manny Ramirez has confounded many a coach in his career in the majors. Earlier this year he was found to be behind the wall during a game using the bathroom, his memorable cutoff of the throw from the outfield in the postseason was particularly impressive, and he has been fooled into thinking there were three outs when there were only two. It is rumored that he sometimes starts running towards third from the batters box and as a result the Red Sox are pressing for new rules which include a first base bag that emits a 100 dB whirr.

Ozzie Guillen said "If Manny Ramirez showed up in YOUR dugout, in YOUR team's uniform, would YOU send him packing? I sure like how he hits!!"

The Red Sox have indicated that they are going to implement the Ramirez Contingency. The Ramirez Contingency basically involves showing Manny the difference between Red Sox uniforms and that of other Major League clubs as well as all NFL, NBA, and NHL teams in case Manny forgets which game he is paid to play as well.

"We can't have Manny Ramirez showing up at Soldier Field at game time or Jacobs Field for a Cleveland Game when we are playing against the Rangers." said Francona. "As long as we keep his head in the game I think we can avoid another one of these messes."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Baseball, boston

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