Ryder Cup Tiger Woods Canadian Foley as Canada Legalizes Prostitution

Funny story written by Karen Fish

Tuesday, 28 September 2010


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For all of us average hackers it seems weird that the 'God of Golf' Tiger Woods is now changing his swing. As a 12 year old Tiger Woods broke or tied the Masters record and then went on to win the US Open at Pebble Beach by 12 shots. Tiger Woods played so well at Pebble Beach that the USGA forced him to play in the final group alone.

What happened to Tiger Woods' golf game? The Golden Bear Jack Nicklaus once said, "Tiger plays a game with which I am not familiar." How did Tiger Woods go from the greatest golfer of all time to a guy who can't break 80 while still in the prime of his career? It's not like he's an old guy yipping all over the place like Johnny Miller. Johnny Miller needs to take seizure medication to make sure his microphone doesn't fly out of the booth onto the green.

Johnny Miller achieved infamy by saying at the Ryder Cup that Open Champion Justin Leonard stunk and should be kept off the team. Justin Leonard then sunk a bomb to win the Ryder Cup for our side as his teammates stormed out onto the green in wild celebration. Johnny Miller was taken for surgery to have his feet removed from his mouth. Or, perhaps it was Johnny Miller's honest and hilarious commentary that inspired Justin Leonard to achieve Ryder Cup immortality, as opposed to Bernhard Langer's putt which broke the hearts of the European Union.

Tiger Woods has been playing so poorly this year that there was huge controversy over whether or not he would even be selected for the Ryder Cup team. Captain Corey Pavin stalled forever over whether or not he would take Tiger Woods to Celtic Manor, Wales for the Ryder Cup this week. European Coach Colonoscopy Montgomerie, still waiting at 53 for his first major said that he would not have chosen Tiger Woods for his squad. Orly Taitz has the answer why.

Tiger Woods has been coached by his dad Sgt. Earl Woods, Butch Harmon, Hank Haney and he has now switched again to Canadian Sean Foley. Tiger insists that he has never used steroids even though when he won the US Amateur he had scrawny little straw arms and now his biceps look like a heavyweight Olympic Bulgarian bodybuilder. Believe what Tiger Woods tells you, not your own eyes and mind. Pretend that it's politics or religion.

Why is Tiger Woods using a Canadian doctor? Don't we have a Mayo Clinic? Tiger Woods' doctor Anthony Galea, who isn't licensed to practice in the United States was stopped at the Canadian border with a bag of steroids. Tiger Woods doctor Dr. Anthony Galea is under indictment in Canada and the United States for giving steroids to big name athletes. Elin Nordegren just walked away with $100 Million in hush money.

Don't bother calling Tiger Woods 'Juice' at a tournament because the PGA is now tazing Tiger's hecklers. Don't taze me bro! The European PGA will be using laser kilt removers on anyone heckling Tiger Woods at Celtic Manor.

Tiger Woods recently lost his marriage over a series of long term relationships with at least 18 blonde white porn stars and other professionals. This has caused the Ku Klux Tea Party to take it out on President Obama. Recently Tiger Woods switched to unknown Canadian Golf Coach Sean Foley. What is Sean Foley carrying in his purse on the driving range? Today the Ontario, Canada Supreme Court struck down the laws against prostitution. Ontario Canada legalized prostitution today. Tiger Woods immediately entered the 2011 Canadian Open.

In Canada the government of Prime Minister Paul Martin passed a law decriminalizing marijuana, like California Proposition 19 coming up on Nov. 2. The bill passed first reading in the Parliament. It required 3 readings. Prior to the second reading alcoholic George W. Bush threatened Paul Martin that if he didn't yank the marijuana bill the US would stop trade with Canada. The bill legalizing marijuana in Canada suddenly vanished. Bush must have also threatened Mexico.

President Bush told Paul Martin, "Now that all of our manufacturing jobs have gone to China and our oil has run out we are heavily dependent on our prison industry and court industry for GDP. We have 2 million people in jail now and when the economy collapses we're planning on putting them all in there." When Lehman Brothers collapsed Bush told congress that if they didn't bail out the banks he was going to immediately declare martial law, effectively imprisoning the entire country in a brutal fascist dictatorship. We were an Ines Sainz hair away from living in a fascist dictatorship where the few rich have all the money and power and the rest eat cake. All those in favor of a fascist dictatorship in the United States of America must elect the Republicans on Nov. 2, 2010.

California is voting on Proposition 19 on Nov. 2, 2010 to legalize marijuana. Mexico is now run by the drug cartels which have slaughtered 20,000 people this year because President Capone refuses to legalize marijuana. President Obama spoke during the campaign about using marijuana and so did President Clinton. President Clinton deflowered Monica Lewinsky right in the Oval Office. There is one law for the rich and one law for the poor.

Golf is like life only on a larger scale. The object of the game is to use a stick to get a ball into a hole. Today Canadian Judge Susan Himel legalized prostitution in Canada. Judge Himel said that the law forced women to work in secret and forced them out onto the streets and has led to the murders of hundreds of prostitutes. Judge Himel said that the law is endangering the women it is designed to protect. Canadian pig farmer Robert Pickton spent years abducting and slaughtering 49 street prostitutes in Canada. Under oath Pickton denied using steroids or improving his lie in the sand.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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