Alex Higgins Funeral In Pictures

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for Alex Higgins Funeral In Pictures
Oh you're a fabulous player, Alex, lad! Have another complimentary pack of our product!

Belfast today said "goodbye" to one of its favourite sons, the brilliant former World Champion snooker player, Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins, who recently lost his battle with throat cancer and died at the age of 61.

Oh, by the way, before I go any further, I thought I'd better mention that there are no pictures as described in the headline of this story. That was just to capture your attention and draw you into clicking on the headline! Sorry about that!

But really, everyone, Alex Higgins. What can you say?

Of course, the 'Hurricane' was a great snooker player, not to mention a great billiards player as well, but that's mentioning it, isn't it? And I said not to mention it.

But he was also a great drinker as well, and it's probably his more 'cavalier' approach to the game of snooker that we will remember him for most, especially that time he headbutted that referee! Goodness me! What was he thinking about? Oh, but we loved him for it!

Then, he smoked himself to death. No doubt, the executives at such 'esteemed' organisations as Embassy, Benson & Hedges and Rothmans are wringing the guilt from their hands, after all their sponsorship of various snooker tournaments to gain advertising space for their cancersticks, finally 'paid dividends', so to speak.

Alex Higgins' dividend was that he developed a rather nasty throat cancer, which needed intensive radiotherapy, the result of which, was that his teeth fell out, and he couldn't eat properly. He was barely able to suck liquid food through a straw, became depressed, and contemplated suicide.

He was found dead in bed in his flat on 24 July 2010. When he died, Higgins' weight was just 38 kilos. He lived in sheltered housing on Donegall Road, Belfast. Some encore for a player that lived the champagne lifestyle Alex did.

Higgins was the perfect inspiration for many subsequent professional snooker players including countryman Ken Doherty, 'Whirlwind' Jimmy White, and Ronnie O'Sullivan, who in an interview once said:

"Alex was an inspiration to players like me and Jimmy White, and thousands of snooker players all over the world. The way he played at his best is the way I believe the game should be played. It was on the edge, keeping the crowd entertained and glued to the action. And that headbutt as well! Crikey!"


Sorry about the 'pictures' thing. In the end, though, didn't you feel, in places, it was just a little bit too graphic?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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