Changing Room Knee's-Up For Miserable Footballers

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Friday, 20 August 2010

image for Changing Room Knee's-Up For Miserable Footballers
A miserable footballer.

Premier League changing rooms will soon echo to the sound of nursery rhymes and other happy songs in a bid to cheer up depressed professional footballers.

The news follows revelations by Stoke City striker Dave Kitson that players were being made "miserable" by constantly listening to their iPods and MP3 players.

He said the iPod was one of the most anti-social things to be introduced into the changing room, as players sit around in their own little worlds.

"Changing rooms should be buzzing with anticipation and energy," he said.

Now the players' union, the PFA, plans to improve matters by appointing reps from each team to lead pre-match sing-songs.

A spokesman said: "Anything happy should do the trick - lots of the lads have young kids, so they will know all the nursery rhymes. Upbeat hymns could work just as well, carols at Christmas - and of course, when it's someone's birthday a resounding belting of 'Happy Birthday To You' will work wonders, especially if there's a cake too."

Which songs do you think would boost your team's performance? Send your ideas to The Spoof!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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