Rooney Targeted By The US

Written by Gary Midgeley

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

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England doesn't "mind games"

With England's World Cup opener less than a week away, it has been leaked that the USA will be using "mind game" tactics in the match to help give them the edge and possibly cause an upset.

Former USA defender Alexi Lalas spoke about the tactics, one of which is to "wind Rooney up" during the game and "hope he losses it". "I hope he has a temper tantrum, has a swing at someone and gets thrown out", Lalas said. "I would love to see him act like a baby".

Fabio Capello was said to have "laughed his tits off" when informed about the tactics. "That's some funny shit", chuckled the England Manager, "We will beat them so bad, they will have to sue, they have nothing on us. The USA are only good at attacking when oil is involved, they can't put a cross in without burning it and if WW2 is anything to go by, the USA won't even turn up until next summer", explained Capello, "The USA won't have seen a beating like the one we're going to give them since the days of Bobby and Whitney".

Other USA "mind game" tactics are thought to be; bringing their wives to the match to distract John Terry and bathing in Worthers Originals before the game in a further attempt to "wind up" the spud-faced striker, as the old granny smell is said to make Rooney "extremely randy".

When asked to comment, Rooney simply said "Erm, erm, erm, erm", and this is one reporter that has to agree.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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