Crisis hit Premier club Portsmouth have announced that they plan to merge with local neighbours Southampton. The cost of maintaining two football teams on the South coast has proved too much and insiders believe that a merger is the only solution.
Mr Abdul Shifty, the billionaire Arab who never seems to have any cash said "If we can merge the two clubs I can get a block of flats and a supermarket on Fratton Park."
Supporters of both clubs gave the plan a mixed reaction. Trevor Nutter, 23, of Portsmouth said "If I see any Scummers* I'm going to kill them!" Not all fans were as welcoming as Mr Nutter. Duncan Chisel, 47, of Bitterne, Southampton, said "There's years of tradition, rivalry and heroes. How can we allow all of this to happen. The Premier League must take some responsibility for what has happened. How can a side in the top flight go out of business? It just shouldn't happen. I'd now like to walk round and round wringing my hands and asking why?"
*A Scummer is a term used by residents of Portsmouth to describe residents of Southampton. It is not very complimentary and is usually followed by a punch to the head.
