Katie Price has been named as the new England manager in a shock move announced earlier today at FA HQ in London.
Speculation had literally reached fever pitch over who will take over the England Manager's position following Fabio Capello's being booted last week.
With just weeks to go until England compete in the FIFA World Cup The FA have been frantically trying to find a replacement for the vacancy. Not an easy job as the position is viewed by the footballing world as the least desirable in the game.
Amidst mounting scandal surrounding the England football players, Capello was chucked out.
An unofficial statement reported that he could no longer work with this "shower of s**te".
"They're at it with any old minger they can get their hands on," Capello said, according to my very dodgy and untrustworthy source. "They're more interested in what they're wearing than their country's pride. If you ask me they're over-rated, over-paid and over-exposed. I'm back off to Italy where we know how to behave."
At this morning's press conference a man said "Over 2,000 people were approached to take on the position of England manager, but they all said no. Katie volunteered and we accepted as we all reckon she can't possibly be disliked by the public any more than she is already so is ideally suited for the job."
Katie then made a grand entrance in true Price style wearing a swimsuit encrusted with sequins in the red and white of the England flag. Teetering in eight inch platform shoes and two foot high tiara she had a grinning John Terry on one arm, and a limp Ashley Cole on the other to help her onto the platform.
Trailing ten paces behind her was her second husband, cross dressing ex-cagefighter, Alex Reid accompanied by her three children, all wearing Katie Price's new line of false eyelashes PR Eyes that she launched last week.
Addressing the crowd of stunned reporters she said, "Alright lads. I can exclusively reveal that I am the new England Manager. I'll be taking the lads all the way to the final because that'll be 1.1 billion viewers I can interest in the Katie Price brand. They will do it because I'll make them - what Katie wants Katie gets."
Alex confirmed "What Katie wants Katie gets."
She then concluded her very brief appearance with, "That's it. I'm off now to instruct my ghost writer to get started on my new autobiography How I Won That Big Mug which'll be out in all good supermarkets the minute the final ends."
Price then left Whatmore to deal with questions from the crowd of astounded journalists. When questioned if he thought Katie could handle the pressure that comes with the high profile position Whatmore replied, "Are you kidding? Did you see that bird in the jungle? She's made of granite man!"
Price was last seen trying to avoid the paparazzi in her custom built pink horsebox, on which her name is emblazoned five foot high in crystals. It's reported she will be heading to LA to get her hair extensions done over the weekend but will be back in time for training on Monday morning.
No one was available for comment and fans are outraged.
