Spiteful Archie Manning surreptitiously rooting for Saints

Funny story written by rvler9201

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

OXFORD, MISSISSIPPI-Bitter that his two sons have already achieved more success on the football field than he was able to in his entire carrier, as well as wanting to live vicariously through Saints quarterback Drew Brees, elder statesman Archie Manning revealed to reporters yesterday that he will secretly be rooting for his alma mater Saints against the Colts.

"Of course, I'll be telling Peyton that I'm pulling for the Colts," the elder Manning revealed. "But if you come by the Manning lodge on Super Bowl Sunday, it's gonna be Saintsville, baby!"

The former Saints quarterback explained that his relationship with Peyton had been strained of late, as his second-eldest son had outperformed him in virtually every facet of professional football.

"Of course, you always want your son to succeed, but not so much that he makes you look like a worthless fuckwit," Manning told reporters. "I mean, Jesus, 10-time Pro Bowler, four-time MVP, Super Bowl champion-I had a lifetime QB rating of 67 and won 35 games in 13 years. How about you show your old man some respect?"

The Manning family patriarch also admitted that watching Drew Brees bring New Orleans its first Super Bowl victory would be a cathartic experience for him as the leader of a Saints team that failed to have a winning season in 10 years.

"I was a pretty terrible quarterback back in my day," the 60-year-old confessed. "I was never able to live up to the promises I made to the city of New Orleans. And this city has suffered so much after Hurricane Katrina. Seeing a Saints quarterback get up on a podium, host the Lombardi trophy, and yell, 'The Saints are Super Bowl champions!' would be the greatest moment of my life-far greater than the birth of those ungrateful brats I sired, that's for damn sure.

Archie Manning also went on to admit that watching Drew Brees play was 'a joy to watch' and even went so far as to call Brees "the son [he] never had."

"[Brees'] game is so fluid, so expertly-crafted-without any of the childish frills of Peyton or the gross incompetence of Eli. And the way he came back from that shoulder injury-Peyton would have just pouted angrily at his shoulder, and Eli would still be in a children's hospital, but Drew got right back up like a man. Now that's how I would have wanted a son of mine to play football."

"Peyton already has his ring. It's time for me to vicariously get mine," concluded the father of three.

Eli Manning also disclosed that he will be rooting for the Saints, but indicated that this was mainly due to his continuing struggle pronouncing the word "Indianapolis".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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