Toon make temporary boss Hughton permanently temporary

Funny story written by Football mole

Thursday, 24 September 2009

The board at Newcastle United has finally bowed to public pressure and has made temporary, caretaker, assistant, substitute, number two Chris Hughton's position permanent.

Hughton has taken over the reigns at Newcastle more times than Kevin Keegan having accepted the baton from Keegan himself, Roy Kinnear and Alan Shearer.

Taking over as temporary, caretaker, assistant, substitute boss on two separate occasions at Tottenham Hotspur has obviously boded well for the Irishman.

Toon fanzine editor, Geordie Stotty-Cake said: "It's quite ironic that Toon legend Alan Shearer was in charge during our darkest hour at the end of last season and now our permanent temporary manager is at the helm when we're cruising along at the right end of the Championship, like."

Hughton has apparently turned down several offers of work including caretaker posts at the Asda car park in Nantwich and the offices of an abattoir near Bury St Edmunds.

He commented: "I was also approached to become caretaker at Rillington Place Infants School in Carlisle, but I'm a football man and I belong here at Newcastle."

The Magpie's trophy room will now make way for Hughton's new office to minimise any lifting that may need doing.

Speaking on behalf of United's top brass, a United top brass spokesman said: "We are delighted to make Chris's temporary position permanently temporary as of today.

"We look forward to Chris stepping into the breach on many more occasions in the future when we give a hapless procession of would be managers a brief look at the revolving door at St James's Park, before giving them a big wad of cash and telling them that their services are no longer required."

Club owner, Mike Ashley was unavailable for comment yesterday but remains fat, and a recent opinion poll among the Toon army faithful voted him just as popular as he was at the end of last season.

United are currently second in the Championship but suffered a Carling Cup exit at the hands of Peterborough this week.

Irrelevantly, that disappointment comes not long after the humiliating 6 - 1 thrashing sustained against League Two minnows Leyton Orient in pre-season, while wearing their lovely yellow away kit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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