After lengthy deliberation, supporters of crisis-hit Manchester United are considering legal action against God having won only four pieces of silverware after a dismal 2008/09 season for the north-west giants.
The atmosphere was tense in the sleepy coastal village of Scruttock by-the-Bye in Devon as one fan announced: "It's just naaaaat good enough. Oi've been a Maaanchesterrrrr Unydid faaaaan fer months now an' I was led to underrrrrstaaaand thaaat the club 'ad a God given roight to win eeeeeverything".
A spokesman for Vendetta, Pisspot and Mullarky solicitors in Scunthorpe said that the firm were unlikely to take on the case as it was riddled with potential pitfalls.
"We need to be very careful here" said company partner, Gangrene Vendetta. "The cornerstone of much of the work we take on is based on evidence or "proof" if you will. When taking legal action against the Almighty, the first thing to consider is whether the faith aspect would suffer in the search for this so called "proof".
He continued: "As we all know, "proof" denies faith and that without faith, our Lord is nothing. Denying his existence would make it extremely difficult to bring him to trial.
"On the other side of the coin, with faith one generally has to accept that our Lord is, in fact, divine and as such, one also has to accept that sh*t happens and to put it down His moving in a mysterious way or something.
"It really is a complete non-starter".
As the storm carried over Europe, God's spokesman here on Earth - Mr. Benedict XVI - was adamant that their case was absolutely watertight.
He told the Vatican Daily Tablet: "As soon as I heard about this I got straight on the blower to His Wonderfulness. He told me that He was indeed divine and, as such, knows and remembers everything. He categorically denies ever giving Manchester United automatic and unhindered access to any trophies but that they had every right to compete for prizes on the same level playing field as everyone else".
"Newcastle United have been cast down into the sulphurous, fiery pit of the championship for all eternity….or maybe a season or two, and you don't hear Satan complaining do you" he continued.
"What people don't seem to understand is that, to truly appreciate success, it is sometimes beneficial to experience a measure of disappointment. Any Sunderland fan will tell you that.
"Now sod off!" he suggested.
Mammoth-chested country and western star and gay icon Dolly Parton agreed. "To reach the rainbow, you gotta walk through the rain" she quipped.
With the departures of Carlos Tevez and arrogant dive-merchant Cristiano Ronaldo, pundits are already suggesting that Sir Alex Ferguson would probably field a standard 4-4-2 formation against His Divine Godliness with Giggs and Anderson supporting Rooney and Berbatov up front in what would surely be United's sternest test yet.
All seemed quiet on crisis-hit Merseyside and in crisis-hit London but spokesmen for crisis-hit clubs Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal said that their respective crisis-hit clubs would be delighted to play in lots of semi-finals again next year.
