IRA victims criticise PM on America

Funny story written by matwil

Sunday, 6 September 2009


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'Wow! And I thought the Irish supported the IRA! Why aren't there history books like this in American skools?'

Families of IRA victims have criticised the government for failing to put pressure on America to pay compensation to them. They say America should pay this compensation because it funded the IRA, to allow them to buy explosives used in many atrocities.

Downing Street said Gordon Brown did not think it appropriate to discuss the claim with American officials. But Colin Harry, whose son was killed by an IRA bomb, said it made Britain look 'very, very weak and insignificant indeed.'

The bomb which killed Tom Harry, aged 14, is thought to have been bought by Irish American money from Boston. 'It's shameful that Britain is prepared to overlook the pain of the thousands of IRA victims, just to get lucrative arms deals and oil concessions', Mr. Harry said.

Children's Secretary Ed Balls conceded that British companies have lobbied the government to keep quiet about IRA murders to improve trade with American multinationals, and added: 'Given how many children have been killed by the IRA over the last 40 years, you'd have thought someone with the title 'Children's Secretary' might have mentioned the millions that Americans have sent to fund those terrorist murderers. But no.'

'And no-one is saying that trade and oil could ever allow us to forget all about Americans arming not only the IRA but also other terrorist killers such as the Nicaraguan Contras and even the Red Brigades. No, no, no, no, no, no, perish such an unlikely and ridiculous thought.'

Mr. Brown's office released a letter written to the CIA by him regarding American funding of the IRA. 'To say this is hypocritical, when Americans have not only funded the worst terrorists in modern history but also claim to now be fighting 'a war on terror', beggars belief!'

'Don't American IRA donators know anything about Ireland? Aren't Americans taught any history? The IRA is a criminal and illegal organisation, not only in the UK bit also in the Republic of Ireland.'

'The Irish despise them and the British despise them, yet morons in New England think the IRA are 'freedom fighters for Ireland'. Unbelievable! Mind you, these are the same people that believe Afghanistan can be 'invaded' because CNN says so, when Afghanistan can ... never be invaded, it isn't possible.'

'Thank goodness I've betrayed every socialist principle the Labour Party ever had to grovel to the USA for oil and money, so please, please don't ever publish this letter! Oh, and tell Barack Wotshisname that I'll be over again soon to polish his shoes for him.'

Former Provisional IRA and current Provisional Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adamski added: 'Thank heavens for Americans knowing nothing about the world! If they hadn't sent us all that money, as many as 3,000 people in Northern Ireland and Britain wouldn't have been murdered by ourselves, including many children. And thank heavens Americans believe American TV news stations tell the truth, the same news stations that will never mention Americans funding murderous terrorists in Ireland.'

Senator Edward Kennedy was unavailable for comment.

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