Serena Williams acknowledged today that her outburst at the Open was fueled by problems with her ass.
"I dragged this thing all over the court, man," she said tearfully, "I was tired. Then I felt this little explosion, then a bigger one...all those fat cells couldn't take the shaking any more...it was like nucleur. Rubbing, rubbing and then they started firing....and it triggered by brain into that rage; I got all hot...it was my ass I'm telling you, not me."
Venus Williams backed her sister's story, noting that "Serena's ass has gotten her into trouble before but she's my sister and I love her."
Officials expressed measured doubt over the explanation and levied a fine hefty enough to counterbalance her ass, in the off chance that it was the source of the problem. They did note, in their written decision, that her ass did not seem to be appreciably smaller, as might reasonably be expected, after the explosion as described.