Serena Williams Loses To Kim Clijsters Blames It On Her Thighs

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 13 September 2009

image for Serena Williams Loses To Kim Clijsters Blames It On Her Thighs
The tennis racket that Serena threw at little Kinsey Lowenheimer hitting her and knocking her to the ground.

NEW YORK CITY - The women's defending tennis champion Serena Williams has lost to Belgium's Kim Clijsters in the U.S. Open semifinal after being docked a point for stepping on the line and for calling an official an (EXPLETIVE DELETED).

Williams had earlier been given a code violation warning when she threw her racket and it hit one of the ball girls Kinsey Lowenheimer knocking her down and requiring her to be airlifted by helicopter to St. Yankee Pinstripes Hospital.

Doctor's say that Kinsey is doing good. The racket string pattern impressions are hardly noticeable anymore and sweet little Kinsey will be released in the morning.

The defending champion claimed that the little girl jumped in the way of her racket. The little girl's father Colby Lowenheimer has already secured the services of famed tennis attorney Amandeep Rashad who is considered to be the best tennis attorney in the entire world.

Rashad's record in tennis cases is 703-love. He reportedly told a reporter for ESPN that Ms. Williams had been upset because earlier she had overheard one of the ball girls telling one of the ball boys that her (Serena's) thighs are each bigger than the entire body of a racehorse jockey.

Kim Clijsters boyfriend, Geel Antwerpen, said that before the match he had asked Serena for her autograph and she told him that it would cost him $95. He told her to stick it up her (EXPLETIVE DELETED) and walked off.

As he was walking away, he turned and told her that it must be a real embarrassment for her to have to buy her pantyhose from the same company that makes circus tents.

She called him a white (EXPLETIVE DELETED) and he called her a black (EXPLETIVE DELETED).

During the match with Clijsters, Serena repeatedly kept looking down at her thighs as if trying to convince herself that they aren't really that big. [EDITOR'S NOTE: No I guess not if you compare the suckers to California redwood trees.]

After Williams had lost the match she was asked to comment on what had transpired. Serena rattled off about 13 expletive deleteds before she finally settled down and said. "Look I know the reason I lost is because of my thighs. And like the editor mentioned above, yes I agree that the doggone suckers are the size of redwood trees."

SIDENOTE: A Sports Illustrated reporter noted that John McEnroe who was sitting courtside commented to him that it's a mean thing to say but that Serena's upper torso definitely looks like it's sitting on two sequoias (redwoods).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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