Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 14 September 2009

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image for South African 'Blade Runner' Escapes From Court
Boing! Boing! Boing! There he goes!

South Africa's paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius, known as the "Blade Runner", sparked a major controversy today at a Pretoria Magistrates court hearing where he was being charged with assault.

As the Judge read out the 'Guilty' verdict, Blade Runner, who has springy metal legs, sprang into the air, over the jury and out of the court into the street outside. He then escaped by vaulting onto a low roof, then disappeared across the city skyline and into the heart of the Pretorian metropolis.

Police Sergeant Miranda Stoltz told the BBC that a couple at the Blade Runner's Saturday night party began "screaming at each other", prompting the host to tell the pair to go and argue outside.

The woman later returned to the house and tried to re-enter the house, but Runner allegedly slammed the door, injuring her leg. Police arrested him, and scheduled his court appearance for today.

At the hearing, Runner showed no remorse, even commenting that, as he had been dealt a bum deal (his legs are off at the kness), he didn't see why someone else shouldn't suffer. He admitted trying to shear-off the legs of the woman.

When the Judge came to pass verdict, however, Runner had obviously made up his mind to avoid a jail term, and made good his escape using his Boing-Boings.

Police say Runner may have bounced to London to prepare for the 2012 Olympics in which he won't be allowed to run.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Oscar Pistorius




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