Wimbledon 2009 Drama As US Tennis Fans Taken To Plough Lane

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 22 June 2009

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Ahhh, the Crazy Gang!

There was more controversy at the 2009 All England Championships this afternoon, as four American tennis enthusiasts heading for Wimbledon were the victims of an ignorant Kosovan taxi driver, who mistakenly took the quartet to Plough Lane, home of the former Wimbledon Football Club.

The driver, Shaktar Donetsk, who has only been in England for about fourteen years, immediately sprang into action when the four US visitors leapt into the back of his cab at Waterloo railway station, and directed him to "make for Wimbledon, buddy, and quick!"

Donetsk sped off in more-or-less the right direction, but on the way, started daydreaming of his first love, football, and mused sentimentally on the 1980s heydays of his favourite team, Wimbledon.

He replayed, in his tiny mind, the glancing header by Lawrie Sanchez that was to be the beating of Liverpool in the 1988 FA Cup Final, the Crazy Gang members, including Dennis Wise, Vinnie Jones and John Fashanu, and the incident where Vinnie grabbed Paul Gascoigne's bollox in that famous 1987 picture with the tight shorts.

Recent times, of course, have been less kind to the Dons, and in 2003, "after that damned report by that bastard Taylor" thought Shaktar, remembering the 1991 Taylor Report which stated that all top-flight clubs should have all-seater stadia, they upped-sticks and moved to Milton Keynes.

The Kosovan was relieved when the new AFC Wimbledon were formed in 2002, even though they now play at Kingsmeadow in Kingston upon Thames.

All this he dwelt on whilst ambling along in Southwest London, until he arrived at rundown Plough Lane, now known as Reynolds Gate, where 570 flats have been built.

One of the American fans, Don Lobb, who had come all the way from New Jersey, told our reporter:

"The goddam A-rab cabbie broadus to a freaken apartment block! We had to take the bus back to the stadium! Freaken A-rab bastards!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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