Manchester United supporters come in all shapes and sizes, all colours and creeds, and from all corners of the planet, and it is the right of every human being to choose which football club he associates himself with.
Sometimes though, these associations can prove a trifle embarrassing when the Manchester United supporter is someone from a town in close proximity to Old Trafford - such as Burnley.
Burnley is a mill town located just 21 miles from Manchester, and the home town of Manchester United 'fan', TheSpoof.com's very own Skoob1999, who has been becoming more and more anxious over the fantastic progress of the Clarets, who are now just one game away from the Premier League.
Owen Coyle's men face Sheffield United at Wembley on Monday knowing that entry into the Big Time could be theirs if they can just overcome the Blades in the Championship play-off final.
Skoob, however, is shitting his pants, knowing that, should Burnley succeed, he might well see some of his Burnley mates at games between the two sides, and that they might label him a 'turncoat', another word for a 'traitor'.
Supporting a team other than that from your home town is not unusual, especially in the case of a successful team. Nobody wants to support a losing team, unless you are a genuine supporter, that is, and where Manchester United are concerned, there aren't many of them!
Down the years, millions have jumped aboard the 1958 Sympathy Express as it steams through Peking, Tokyo, Moscow, Munich, Stockholm and Belfast, towards Manchester Piccadilly, picking up passengers who have decided to affiliate themselves with a team they feel will give them the satisfaction they desire through winning, and the resultant upper hand they gain over their workmates on Monday mornings.
Forgoing their support of their hometown 'losers', they plump, instead, for a winning team, a glamorous club, and one which won't repeatedly let them down by losing, so that they may regard other fans with a look of superiority.
One Burnley fan who recalls Skoob from their schooldays, is Ernie Clatter, now 48. Ernie told us:
"We used to go down Turf Moor ev'ry week. We even went t' see Clarets int' Semi Final against Newcastle at Hillsbrough in 1974. When we lost that tho', Skoob jumped ship an' went to Old Trafford. Fuckin wanker!"
Another extremely angry Turf Moor regular is Manchester Ringway airport worker Manuel Kuntsington-Bookseller, who said:
"We were big Clarets fans, until he discovered he didn't like finishing second. From then on, he was a Urinal. If we go up, an' I see 'im at ground, I'll deck the fuckin bastard!"
Skoob was unavailable for comment, but doubtless he'll be on here later on decrying this story, and claiming to have been a United fan 'in the womb'.
