Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

image for Alan Shearer Facing Sack
Another Toon disaster looms

Sir Alan Shearer, the former Newcastle United and England legend, who was last night installed as the Magpies' fourth manager this season, is already under intense pressure to deliver results and Premier League safety, and could face the sack as early as six weeks from now.

As yet untried as a manager, Shearer knows that, unless Newcastle start winning games soon, his card will be marked, and with upcoming matches against Chelsea at home, and Stoke and Tottenham away, things already look bleak.

And with United lying in 18th spot, two points adrift of their nearest rivals, Blackburn - another of Shearer's former clubs - the record goalscorer might well have to pull on a shirt himself if he is to have any significant impact on their fortunes.

The memory of 'King' Kevin Keegan is now just a faded dream on Tyneside, and diehard regulars at St James Park will be hoping that Shearer can return the club to its glory days of the early 1900s.

This afternoon though, fans outside St James Park were in pensive mood as they contemplated their team's potentially catastrophic fate. One said:

"Kevin who?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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