In a bid to try to prevent the city's ailing football team, Hull City, from being relegated from the Premier League in its first season in the top flight, Hull City Council has taken the extraordinary step of banning all fat ladies from singing within the city limits.
Writing on the Council website, leader of Hull City Council, Carl Minns, said:
"Things are looking extremely dicey for the Tigers, but as the old saying goes, it's not over until the Fat Lady sings. We don't want to tempt fate, and have enforced this ban."
Fat ladies all over Hull are up in arms. One of them, Gladys Bracket, 42, said:
"It's unbelievable. He's telling me I can't sing just because Hull City aren't able to string a few results together against mediocre opposition? He'll have a job! Is he going to monitor my bathtime? Plank!"
And another, Jenny Fudge, 33, told us:
"The real culprit ought not to be the fat lasses, but that orange fella, Phil Brown. He's to blame with his poor team selection and on-pitch diatribes against the lads. Wally!"
As this report went to Press, fat ladies from all over East Yorkshire were gathering in Hull City centre for a chip supper of gargantuan proprtions, and were expected to sing at the tops of their voices despite a huge police presence around the Guildhall.
